there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
