dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Randomize
