the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
