i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
