it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
