maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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