But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it hurts more in the daytime
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
