Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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