You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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