in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
