That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
