We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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