I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize