I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
