Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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