You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
