So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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