We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
