We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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