yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
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I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
