hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
