What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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