Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
