woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
