Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
