A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
