you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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