Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Found the puke drawer
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
