She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
