so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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