I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
