You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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