I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
