I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
