K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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