Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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