I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
