Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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