You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
