We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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