he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
