Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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