Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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