He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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