It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
