JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
