It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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