i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
