you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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