Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
