god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
