I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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