I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
