So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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