Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
