my sisters under your porch take her home
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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