i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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