Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize