Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
