fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You're a disaster
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