just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
