Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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