i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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