Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
