I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you had me at cake vodka
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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