Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize