u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
another moral hangover. fuck.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
