New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
