so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
