Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
