I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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