Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
