oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He told me they were just razor bumps!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
