If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
